It All Started with Titan Trauma Syndrome
by LeviAckerman12396
Summary: Levi was sitting in front of a drunk and an idiot, while Erwin and Hanji along with his squad were playing tag? How did he end up like this? Oh yeah the medicine. Screw Hanji.


**IT STARTED WITH TITAN TRAUMA SYNDROME**

Levi was sitting in front of a drunk and an idiot, while Erwin and Hanji along with his squad were playing tag? How did he end up like this? Oh yeah the medicine. Let's rewind a bit shall we?

Flashback

"Oi shitty glasses are you sure what you are doing is labeled as safe?" Levi glared at Hanji who was grinning maniacally.

"I asked her to make an antidote for titan trauma." Erwin said entering the room.

"I doubt there is a disease like that." Levi clicked his tongue.

"It's done." Squealed Hanji. She turned around to reveal a cauldron filled with green gooey liquid that was glowing like a neon light.

"And yeah. I doubt that is safe either. It looks an antidote for constipation instead." Levi inched away from the liquid.

"Now to test it." Hanji rubbed her hands gleefully.

"Erwin give it a try." She gave him a teaspoon. Erwin raised an eyebrow and then took the cauldron and teaspoon from Hanji.

"Oi Erwin." Levi interrupted. "You're not seriously thinking of drinking that shitty medicine. What if-"

Too late. Erwin had already gulped it down.

Levi and Hanji curiously waited for any effects.

Unfortunately or fortunately, from your perspective, nothing happened.

"Eh? Nothing happened?" Hanji whined.

"What were you expecting Hanji?" Erwin asked amused.

"Well I was hoping you would grow ears and tail like a fox. Or maybe turned into a titan?" She cheered.

"Humanity would have been fucked, shitty glasses if Erwin turned into a titan." Levi said but was also disappointed. He too wanted to see Mr. Smart Ass as a titan.

"I made sure to add specifics." Hanji looked puzzled. Levi refrained himself from asking what the specifics were.

Hanji turned to Levi.

"Try it?"

He gave her a death glare. "I'll rather eat a titan shit."

He twitched sorry for interrupting but titans don't*cough* shit as you say it." Erwin pointed out.

"Whatever. Keep that thing away from me."

"Oh I know. Let's try it on younger people. You know." Hanji grinned evilly.

Levi turned to Erwin.

"Should I or should I not alert my squad that a maniacal beast is out there in the open?"

"Don't you want to see the result?" Erwin asked him.

Levi just shrugged in response.

"Guys, who wants tea?" Hanji carried the tray to the bunch of squad Levi sitting on the table.

Immediately everyone, including Annie and Ymir, which was shocking, hid wherever they could.

"Eh where did they go?" Hanji cried.

"Smart kids." Levi said from behind the door where both he and Erwin were waiting for something interesting to happen.

"At least all the lectures of defense against shitty glasses were not a total waste."

"Defense against Hanji?"

"Yep. You see defense against Titan is useless so I just thought they'll need this instead."

Erwin sighed.

"Hanji is not that mad." He told Levi.

Levi looked at him with a face of pure horror and inched away from him, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Are you sure that the medicine wasn't supposed to affect your brain?" He questioned. Erwin just turned away, shaking his head in amusement.

Meanwhile Hanji had been successful in dragging all the kids back to the table and was putting cups of tea in front of them.

"Hanji san why are you treating us with tea?" Armin made out in bits.

"Well you see I made Levi mad. And in return for the tea I want you to help me."

"No way, we don't want to die by Heichou's hands." Coonie and Sasha whined with all the others nodding with them.

Hanji grinned a sinister smile.

"Which is painful? The way I'll kill you or the way Levi will?"

The result was that the whole squad drank the tea in one gulp.

"They are more afraid of shitty glasses than me?" Levi said in disbelief.

"I think we can say the same about you." Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"Now for the medicine to act." Hanji said gleefully.

"What medicine?" Mikasa inquired.

"Oh I just wanted to test it. It was in your tea by the way."

Eleven people were already in the bathroom trying ti throw up what went inside without success.

"Nothing happened." Erwin noted.

"Well that's disappointing."

"Hmm. I'll just make another." Hanji was all enthusiastic.

And she too exited leaving Levi to order about his gang of thugs.

Next Morning

Levi was up early while his squad was sound asleep. 7 AM. They should be at the hall by now.

"Well he could expect lateness from his squad but where in this bloody world were Erwin and Hanji? He debated whether to stomp to Erwin's office or stampede on his squad. Deciding the former he barged into his office's door.

"Oi Erwin, why wer-" Levi stopped in his tracks. He then went out and closed the door. He then knocked and entered. After there was no change in scenery, he inspected the door carefully.

"If Hanji replaced this door with an alternate dimension entering door I swear she's dead."

"Levi calm down." Came a squeaky voice.

Levi looked up struggling to keep his face straight. A five year old kid could not boss him around.

A five year old. Erwin should not be five year old either.

"What happened to you?" Levi tried glaring at him. "And where did you get those fucking clothes?" Believe it or not glaring at a five year old kid was not easy.

"From my emergency wardrobe." Levi didn't try to ask where was that.

"I believe it was that medicine Hanji gave to us." Erwin said. Gods he looked too innocent. Suddenly a horrible thought occurred to him.

"So-" he narrowed his eyes. And then dashed out of the office straight towards his squad's living quarters.

Upon entering he was greeted by eleven innocent puppy eyes, belonging to his gang of thugs. He again debated whether to shriek or not. But decided against it. Shitty glasses would never let him forget it. Speaking of her she also took that shitty medicine. Five years old or not he was going to murder her.

Suddenly he felt a tug on his pants.

"Heichou?" It was chibi Krista. Oh my Gods. Was she always this cute?

'Fuck' Levi thought. 'I'm screwed.'

He looked at the faces of his thugs. They were *cough* actually adorable.

Levi wanted to bang his head on the wall. Non way h could glare at them. No. he couldn't even call Jean mini-horse face.

Clearing his throat he said "It looks Shitty Glasses' medicine had this effect on you. Erwim probably dragging her here."

As if on cue a voice rang out. "Ahaha I'm so small.' Hanji's squeals could be heard half-way from the headquarters.

"Hanji please calm down." A tiny voice followed from outside the room. After Hanji's bubbly form in all his glory the five years old Commander of Recon Corps walked in. If it wouldn't have been Levi's tiny amount of respect for the man and the seriousness of the situation he was about to get in, he would have burst laughing.

It seems that the rest of the 104th graduates were already on the floor making squeaky noises, giggling.

"Erwin you look so cute." Hanji skipped towards him. Erwin gave her a sweet glare.

That was it. Levi laughed. And even Hanji stopped to look at him. It was way too unexpected and everyone even Erwin was unsure to be happy because Levi had finally laughed or run away because laughing Levi could not be a good omen.

Finally his laughter died down and he said "Try not to glare and boss anyone, Erwin. It's comical." And then shrugged.

Erwin gave an indignant snort but said nothing. Then he smiled.

"Since everyone is 5… for how long Hanji?"

"The whole day I guess?" She answered.

"You guess?" Levi said irritated.

"Well as I was saying since everyone is 5." Erwin continued. "We get the whole day off."

There were cheers from everyone.

"Wait wait wait ." Levi made out in between. "If you…" he pointed at Erwin "…and you…" He pointed towards Hanji "…are off who is going to take care of the whole freaking Recon Corps?"

Both Hanji and Erwin looked at each other and then at Levi.

"You." They said in union.

If looks could kill everyone in the room would have died instantly.

"Me?" Levi repeated menacingly.

Erwin nodded sweetly.

"So we get to play outside sweet." Eren cried from happiness.

"Oi Eren stop jumping like a kid."

"But he is a kid." Mikasa defended him per usual.

"What good did your fucking medicine do, shitty glasses?" Levi wanted to throttle her.

"We can make the titans drink it. Then they'll turn small." Hanji said positively.

"Umm… Hanji san I doubt five year old titans are small." Armin as usual proved his intelligence.

"You're right. But I wonder what the colossal titan looks small?" Hanji wondered.

On this Bertolt started laughing uncontrollably while Annie and Reiner shoot hi warning glances.

"Anyway let's go." Coonie and Sasha jumped.

Everyone exited the room.

"Oh and Levi." Erwin stopped. "Pixis and Nile are coming over. Entertain them." He said innocently and ran out as fast as he could.

Levi could only glare at the poor wall.

Pixis was having a great day. First Rico ripped her blouse at the morning training session. Then the cook accidently added too much spice in the breakfast and he watched as every soldier gulped down gallon of water while he was enjoying alcohol. And now he was going to go see Erwin getting on Nile's nerves.

His life was so much fun.

Nile wanted to snore away in his bed, thinking all the new ways Erwin would have thought to ridicule him. Seriously that guy knew no bounds. And nothing came out of those meetings anyway.

He was the only one who had stacks of complaints while Erwin bastard countered every one of them on whims and Pixis just drank away the whole session. He really wanted to go back to sleep

Levi rubbed his hands together. Aha. Fine. If he is stuck here then he'll make sure to make one of the other two suffer. Levi never liked meetings. Especially not the ones Nile was leading. He would start from the origins of the plan. How the foundation of plans were led, how it developed, who developed it, when it was completed, how many amendments were made. Seriously get to the pint. Who wants to know the history anyway?

Levi was sitting in Erwin's office, where the meeting was to commence. Before going to the office he made sure to check on the 'Mad Gang' as he had named them. He was absolutely disgusted to find them rolling in the dirt.

"What are you doing, Erwin?" he asked agitated.

"Playing Levi. You know _little_ kids are supposed to play." Erwin emphasized on little.

"You -" He pointed and then something else caught his eye.

"Oi shitty glasses, you don't eat mud." He yelled to Hanji who was holding a dirty hand towards her mouth.

"Levi." She yelled enthusiastically. "We're playing mud balls. You come too."

Levi looked at the army of ragged kids and muttered. "No fucking way."

And he walked away.

His first guest had not taken long. Pixis in all his drunken glory came on time actually humming as he entered the office and immediately stopped in his tracks when he saw Levi instead of Erwin.

"Oh, Levi kun. Where's Erwin?"

Levi sighed. Since this was Pixis and Levi had no real grudge against him, he explained everything.

"Hmm." Pixis said thinking. "Maybe I'll try that medicine too. I'm getting old."

Levi facepalmed and then immediately said.

"You won't be able to drink your alcohol if you do that."

Now that to the relief of Levi made Pixis reconsider. Cruel as he was, Levi did not want the while Garrison to be effected by 'Pixis turned into a kid and chugging alcohol' syndrome.

The next guest, now that's someone he absolutely hated. And so Nile was in for the worst.

"Where's Erwin?" Nile questioned Levi, not bothering with a greeting as soon as he saw the object of his worries missing.

"Playing tag." Levi replied coolly sipping his tea. Nile gave him a 'I don't believe you' look. Surely the man had not gone _that_ insane.

When Levi didn't respond Nile spoke up.

"That's impossible. He is not a small kid." Nile huffed.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Levi answered.

To his next Pixis suppressed a chuckle.

"I bet he is totally ditching the meeting." Nile said.

"I wholeheartedly agree." Levi told him.

Nile looked at the Special Squad's Captain. Maybe he hated Erwin too?

But then Levi murmured, "Just because the meetings are as boring as hell doesn't mean he can dump them on me."

"Yeah, don't like these either." Pixis agreed with him.

Nile felt a tick mark growing on his forehead even though Erwin was _not_ here.

"Well anyway." He cleared his throat. "Let's start with Recon budget. We have been providing a lot of finances to Recon Corps which we have -"

"Which you have gained from illegal means no doubt." Levi interjected then said. "Carry on."

Nile tried glaring at him.

"So we should like to cut the budget in half." Nile took this opportunity for his benefit; Erwin wasn't here to fight him with his logic. Mr. Smart Ass.

"Nile." Levi looked at him over the cup of his tea. His eyes were gleaming dangerously. Even Pixis stopped chugging alcohol and looked at the duo.

"Have you ever cut a titan in half?" He questioned coldly.

Nile shook his head

"Of course not. But what does -"

"If you can't cut the titan in half, how can you cut the budget in half?" Levi said seriously.

Nile looked at him speechless. What was that suppose to mean?

"You see titans are so huge." Levi started like he was explaining to a child. "And since the budget is larger than the titans I fail to see how you can cut it in half when you can't even scratch a fucking titan." Levi finished.

What did he say? That was eve more weird than the logic Erwin gave him. No crew that there _was_ no logic in the statement.

His gaze swept dumbfounded to Pixis who looked seriously amused.

"You know." Pixis said watching the expression on Nile's face change. "That's a valid point."

"Shut up." Nile told him. "You're drunk."

"And even he can see the logic better." Levi pointed out. "Are you sure you're not drunk?"

Nile's eyebrow twitched. He takes back all the things he had said about Erwin. If Erwin was the Satan Levi must surely be its Grandma.

"Moving on Nile." Levi tried smirking but it came out as a sinister mile. Nile gulped.

Recon Corps was full of madmen after all.

"The consumption of alcohol is a problem." Nile continued after straightening himself.

"So -"

"You do realize that _that's_ even _bigger_ than the budget, don't you?" Levi pore holes into him.

Nile just nodded. If Dot Pixis was backing Levi he had absolutely zero chances of winning.

"Next."

"The number of people dying outside the walls -"

"- will be reduced by half if you double our budget, which I doubt you can so let's move on." Levi finished.

Nile gritted his teeth.

"The request of granting another headquarter -"

"Choose one with a bricked lawn. I hate cleaning all the dirt."

"We don't have one at all."

"Oh disappointing."

Nile slammed his hand on the table.

"Will you get serious?"

Levi gave him his poker trade face and sipped his tea again.

"Maybe you haven't noticed but I am serious."

Nile breathed in and out and got up.

"The meeting is over." He said hurriedly and exited the room fast.

Pixis took another swig of the liquor. He pointed at Levi.

"You just broke Erwin's record."

"I am just relieved the bastard has left. I was so close to snapping his neck." Levi shrugged.

"Well I am off to drink somewhere." Pixis waved while Levi muttered something about drunks and idiots and turned to a pile of paperwork on the desk.

It was pouring outside. Not until he heard the booming voice of thunder, that Levi looked up from between the pile of papers. He stood up and shut the window.

"Levi Heichou." A young soldier burst into the office and Levi pinned him down by reflex.

"Can't you fucking knock?" Levi hissed removing himself from the soldier.

"I am sorry sir. But it's important. The kids went into the forest earlier and aren't back." The cadet made out.

'What kids?' Levi thought. 'Oh those kids. Great.'

"Sir. Its blowing gale. Even the horses are not steady. The kids will fly away."

'Yeah right. Humanity will be seriously fucked.' Thinking of Erwin and Eren.

"Which way?" He asked as he exited the building, grabbing his cloak. The soldier pointed and Levi took off on feet in the direction.

Erwin could not see anything. Literally. Levi was going to kill him. Not only they managed to get lost but they were exhausted. Physically he was 5 so no surprise there.

"I am hungry ." Came a whining voice of Sasha followed by several growls Erwin finally came to a halt.

"It's no good. We can't find our way back in this storm. We have to wait for the storm to pass and hop someone comes for us."

"Heichou knows. He'll come right?" Eren said hopefully to others.

Everyone looked at each other with doubting looks.

"You pieces of shit." Came a growling voice from behind them.

"At least have some faith in me."

They turned around to see Levi panting and huffing. His hair were messy and clothes wrinkled and soaked. Before anyone could make a comment about that Levi moved forward and hit Erwin on the head.

Everyone gasped. Maybe Levi has hit his head.

But another look at Levi told them otherwise. He was worried.

"You can lead the Recon Corps outside the walls. How in the hell did you get lost in freaking woods?"

Levi was close to screaming.

"Sorry?" Erwin offered sheepishly like a child asking for forgiveness from a parent. Levi's expression softened.

"Get your asses going."

Much to the relief of Recon Corps and Nile, Erwin was back on duty the next day. What was surprising that Levi was off.

Reason: He got a cold and fever, finding the others in the storm.

"Why me?" Came a muffled voice from under the bed covers.

"You see because you were running your body temperature -"

"Shut up shitty glasses." Levi said his head poking out.

"Glad to see you have energy." Erwin said entering the room. Levi groaned.

"I was thinking of mixing a new medicine. This one will-"

Despite having a fever of 104⁰F, Levi flicked Hanji over and sat on top of her.

"Giving her his prized glare he said "If you dare go invent something that causes me this much trouble again." He stopped catching his breath.

"You're going to kill me?" Hanji guessed.

"I'll stop being your friend." Levi finished quietly.

Two pair of eyes widened in realization as Levi swayed dangerously probably loosing unconsciousness. Hanji caught him.

"I won't do that promise." Hanji said reassuringly.

Erwin closed the door to the bedroom and both walked towards the office.

"Friends, huh?" Hanji asked sighing.

"Friends." Erwin confirmed smiling.

 **FIN**

 **The ending may seem rushed. Personally I love Levi being tormented, though while writing I did not realize in which direction the plot was going so I just went with the flow and this came out.**


End file.
